Faith, Fear, and Freedom with Dr. JJ
Show Notes
Knoxville-based clinical psychologist Dr. Janetta Jamerson, aka Dr. JJ, joins the I Am M.U.C.H. Woman podcast for an empowering discussion on breaking unhealthy relationship cycles, embracing emotions, and reclaiming personal agency. Dr. JJ likens growth to mastering video game levels, where confidence and skills build with each challenge. She and CortneyJo explore aligning with God’s inherent goodness, balancing hope, faith, and fantasy, and grieving unrealistic expectations to find freedom. Dr. JJ emphasizes making choices with courage, even amid fear, while CortneyJo shares her journey of “doing it afraid,” inspiring women to grow with authenticity and faith.
Episode Highlights:
(1:34) What typically leads us into unhealthy cycles
(3:10) How we know what’s right for us
(4:49) Thinking of life like a video game
(6:30) Developing confidence in who Christ made us to be
(8:59) How hope can get you stuck in unhealthy cycles
(10:05) The difference between having faith and fantasy
(14:26) How to free yourself from situations that are not going to work out
(16:41) What it means to Dr. JJ to be a M.U.C.H. Woman
(18:42) Where to find Dr. JJ’s old videos
Links Referenced
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@DrJJ1
Transcript
Dr. JJ: There’s no stopping point. There’s no finish line.
CortneyJo: That’s good.
Dr. JJ: This is where I am today, and these are places that I want to go, and nothing is irredeemable.
CortneyJo: Welcome to the I Am MUCH Woman podcast where we inspire and guide women to deepen their personal relationship with God, and to grow in their understanding of His Word. Hello, MUCH Woman podcast family. Welcome back to episode four. Today, I am beyond excited to introduce Dr. Janetta Jamerson, a beloved clinical psychologist here in Knoxville, Tennessee, known to her clients as Dr. JJ.
Dr. JJ is here to help us explore how to break free from unhealthy relationship cycles, whether they’re in romance, friendships, or family. Dr. JJ, I’ve been so eagerly looking forward to this conversation, and I cannot wait to learn from you. Thank you so much for joining us today.
Before we begin, I’d love to share a little bit about you and the wonderful work that you do. Dr. Janetta Jamerson is a licensed clinical psychologist practicing in Knoxville, Tennessee. Dr. JJ believes in you and your ability to celebrate a healthy existence. Dr. JJ asserts that she does not work from home plate, but is rather rounding the bases of life right along with you. Dr. JJ, thank you so much again for being here. Let’s dive right in.
Dr. JJ: Let’s do it.
CortneyJo: I believe that this topic is one that most people can relate to on various levels. So, based on your experience with your clients, what typically leads us into these unhealthy cycles?
Dr. JJ: Well, so much of it has to do with the lack of confidence in ourselves, messaging that we’ve received throughout our entire life without fully perceiving the freedom to explore it on our own, to develop our own sense of values, and sense of right and wrong, and what feels good to us and that we can trust that versus what people have put onto us, telling us that we should believe or how we should be. I’m really big against ‘should.’ Nobody gets to say ‘should’ in my office. We always have to find another way of saying what they want to say.
CortneyJo: Thank you for saying that. I appreciate you sharing that it has a lot of, like, just to do with how we grew up, the messages that we’ve received, things that we’re watching. So, it really is important who we’re surrounding ourselves around. Just last month, the MUCH Woman podcast did a friendship podcast, and I was sharing that with you, and I was interviewing some of my friend-girls. And just we wanted to share the importance of having good people around you. So, would you agree that that, as well, is helpful, you know, or it could also make a difference if maybe we don’t have so good people around us?
Dr. JJ: Well, support absolutely makes a difference. I mean, even at our very basic level, there’s tons and tons of research that backs that up, that we do need support. We’re social beings. But the most important thing is knowing for yourself what’s right for you, and being able to trust that gut, and your knowing, and your wisdom, and build confidence in that on a conscious level.
CortneyJo: How do we know what’s right for us? Because we’ve been told so much. I feel like we’ve been told that this is what you should—and I know you said you don’t like ‘should’—
Dr. JJ: We don’t like ‘should.’
CortneyJo: —being said in your office, but how do we know what is right for us? How do we find that out?
Dr. JJ: You know, some of us have lost a real connection to our gut, or we don’t know how to name it as this is my knowing, this is my. Because the thing is that it’s not really so mysterious. The experience of it may feel that way because you’re not bringing it to conscious thought, necessarily, but you have absorbed information from your environment, from your experiences that help you know things. And it’s trusting your knowing. And there’s an incongruence that we experience when it’s outside of our knowing.
And it’s sometimes it’s just physical, you know? You know, kids will talk about as a stomach ache. Well, there’s some validity to that. There’s a discomfort within us, or something that’s not right in our soul. And then we need to bring it to consciousness and explore that. Well, what’s not right? Let’s ask those questions.
And feeling is a great way to get there. Talking about emotions, label those emotions. What is it that I’m feeling? And don’t allow yourself to shut down that emotion, even if it’s an emotion that is not considered to be a positive emotion. Jealousy tells us a whole lot, you know? If you’re feeling jealousy, it gives you a lot of information. If you’re feeling guilty, it gives you a lot of information. Glean what that information is trying to tell you, and that is how you can connect to your knowing.
CortneyJo: Oh, I love that so much. You are telling me—what I feel like you’re sharing with us is that it’s okay to feel all of those feelings.
Dr. JJ: It’s okay to feel all the feelings.
CortneyJo: It’s okay to be jealous.
Dr. JJ: Absolutely. It gives you valuable information.
CortneyJo: It gives you valuable information.
Dr. JJ: That’s right.
CortneyJo: I love that, Dr. JJ. So, I think one of the questions, another question I want to ask you in relationship to this is that, I have spoken with some people that said they’ve had some experiences, and after they may have gotten out of the experience, somebody will ask them, “Well, what is it that you want?” And they say, “I have no idea.” Like, some people have—like, what’s the starting point?
So basically, what you’re telling us is we can start with—when we want to kind of figure out who we are—some of those feelings. What are we feeling? Can you speak more to that? I just more of—want to learn of, how do we get to a base point, like this home plate or so—I know we talked about you round the bases with this one—
Dr. JJ: Round the bases.
CortneyJo: —but how do we get to home plate? Who am I?
Dr. JJ: A lot of it is accepting that we may not quite get to home plate, getting comfortable with being in a process. I use the metaphor of video game all the time. I don’t even play video games, and if I’m wrong, I’m sorry [laugh] if this is not how these things work, but you get to a level of video game, you master that level, and then you get to the next level. And there’s some resources that have been restored. I think they’re called lives. I don’t know they were in the ’80s, when you play King Kong [laugh], you get a new life.
But there’s new skills that are required. So, you need all the old skills for level one, and you get new skills that are required for level two. And that is, like, knowing yourself is like that, too. Once you get deeper, then you realize you have more to learn, and it requires more of you, and you have to work a little bit harder. But what does happen is you get confident in your ability to do it. I licked level one. I’ll probably be able to lick level two.
CortneyJo: I love this so much. We get confident, more confident in our ability to do that.
Dr. JJ: That’s right.
CortneyJo: I really appreciate that. On MUCH Woman we talk a lot about, like, our whole purpose is women deepening their personal relationship, with God and having a better understanding of their word. I firmly believe that our identity is in Christ Jesus. Can we also develop our confidence, even in that? You know, like—
Dr. JJ: Absolutely.
CortneyJo: —personal rela—can you tell us, like, maybe, what would be some advice, you know, given from your standpoint, how can I develop my confidence, in just even, you know, going to the Lord to learn about who he created me to be?
Dr. JJ: You know, if you think about the way you perceived yourself as a child, if you can connect to that—it’s easier for me these days because I have a daughter, and she’s eight years old, and I do not let her use language, like ‘good’ or ‘bad.’, “Mom, I was good today.” “Well, you’re always good because God made you good.” “Oh, was I being bad?” “You can never be bad because the goodness is in you. You made poor choices with your behavior.”
And so, connecting to the truth that we are good, we are inherently good, now I was trying to explain to her how God is in her, and then I went into a Holy Ghost thing, and that freaked her all the way out. So, we just try to say God is in you, and for that reason, you can’t be bad. You are good. You are made good. And if you want to connect to your goodness, that can guide your behaviors. And if you make choices that aren’t congruent with your goodness, you can get back to it because it’s in you. You can’t escape your goodness.
CortneyJo: Oh, you gave me chills as you were saying that. And I thank you. I’m gonna hope—try my best not to cry because that meant so much to me, so thank you for sharing that, and in that way.
Dr. JJ: And for the record, you can cry if you want to.
CortneyJo: Thank you. Well, I might [laugh]. I might. I don’t know, Dr. JJ, we might get there. Thank you so much. We are good. We are good today. We’re good. Thank you. So, we’ve been talking about being able to learn who you are, who are you? What do you want? What do you want to be? Developing those skills to get better at being comfortable with who you are.
Dr. JJ: And that you’re ever changing, too, right? There’s no stopping point. There’s no finish line.
CortneyJo: That’s good.
Dr. JJ: You know, this is where I am today, and these are places that I want to go—and I mean places in your growth—that I want to go. These are some things that I want to try. And nothing is irredeemable.
CortneyJo: So, you know, I have some other questions for you in terms of, like, hope and things like that. When we’re hoping in a relationship we’re in, maybe in an unhealthy relationship, you’ve made me feel so good about just number one, let’s just get good with who you are, let’s get confident with developing those skills on being better at that. So, let’s talk a little bit about hope, you know, and how what we just talked about can connect to this. Sometimes, you know, a lot of us, we hold on to hope that things will work out the way we want, and that can actually get us stuck in these unhealthy cycles because we’re just really hoping. How can we navigate not allowing hope, in all its goodness, to get us stuck?
Dr. JJ: Well, I love this question because I have a very interesting relationship with hope. I… you know, hope hurts.
CortneyJo: Okay.
Dr. JJ: Hope, hope hurts.
CortneyJo: Tell me more.
Dr. JJ: Hope is painful, and I’ve really learned that in my work as a therapist that it hurts when our hopes are dashed, it hurts when we’re disappointed, it hurts when we’re hopeful for things that will never be. And it is something, though, that does drive us. So, it’s a necessary thing, but it’s difficult to hold on to.
CortneyJo: So, don’t hope?
Dr. JJ: It’s necessary. It drives us.
CortneyJo: It drives us.
Dr. JJ: A belief in something beyond where we are is important, but it is painful to acknowledge that there’s a gap between where we are and where we want to be.
CortneyJo: Well then, that takes me into my next question that may help explain that even more. Can you tell us a little bit about the difference between having faith and fantasy?
Dr. JJ: Oh, that’s a good one.
CortneyJo: How can you tell if something is truly faith that a situation would work out, or if we’re just simply caught up in the fantasy of it? For example, you know the old saying that I know my grandmother and other people’s grandmothers, or mamas whomever, say this, “If it looks like a duck, and if it quacks like a duck, it is most likely, that’s a duck.” Yet we still believe that something will change. Even though we may know what it is, we still believe it will change. So, how do we recognize the difference between having faith and having a fantasy?
Dr. JJ: Yeah, that’s a great question. I like the way Mark Twain defines it, and he says, “Hope is believing in what you know ain’t so.”
CortneyJo: [laugh]. Okay.
Dr. JJ: [laugh]. And that is an interesting thing. Because there is a—you know, talking about that word knowing—it is a knowing when you can be hopeful for something and have faith in something. That’s actually—I need to correct the quote. It’s, “Faith is believing in something you know ain’t so,” and it is connected to that knowing your gut saying, “This is what’s right, and this is what’s real, even if it’s painful.”
And there is the fantasy, this ideal, and what that really is. Again, back to that, taking the layers off of the emotion, to finding out what it really—it probably is an investment in and a belief in someone else, you know? And the choosing to let that go is very painful. It’s a quasi-death experience where you have to choose, to decide to mourn that, and to grieve that, and to let it go, as if he, she or someone has died when they haven’t. Because there is always the potential. As long as they’re alive, there is a potential. It is the choice to decide that you are no longer going to wait for them to realize what you believe in them.
CortneyJo: So, Dr. JJ, if I were a client in your office and I came in to you and I said, “I am ready to make this choice, to choose to mourn the situation that I know is not going to work out?”
Dr. JJ: Well, like I said, it’s a quasi-death experience, so we want to as closely approximate death as possible. We’ve got to close some doors, and put some nails on coffins, got to bury it, put some dirt on top of it. And so, what that means is we cut off all avenues. All avenues for receiving information. You know, and it’s a hard choice, and it may seem aggressive, but it may be what you need for yourself for now.
CortneyJo: I love that I have a friend-girl—and she did give me permission to talk about this—I said, “If this comes up, do I have permission to talk about it?” She said I do. So, I have this friend-girl who has dated this gentleman for eight years, and she is now ready to mourn the cho—she’s made the choice to mourn that this is not going to be what she has hoped it would be. However, she has made those steps. She’s blocked the numbers, done these different things, but the person keeps finding her on different platforms.
I was thinking, do I need to tell her that she needs to let this particular person know that, “Hey, I’m going to file some type of report for harassment.” Would you suggest something like that? Because it’s like she’s trying to close these doors, but then it’s like this person will find another avenue to get to her.
Dr. JJ: Well, I don’t give advice, so if she’s sitting on my couch, I’m not giving advice. I’m going to see from her what she is willing to do for herself at any given moment. She may not be ready.
CortneyJo: Oh, okay.
Dr. JJ: You know she may not see it as fruitful, you know? She may have banged her head against that communication long enough to know that that’s not what it’s going to be. And she might decide that if he wants to continue to reach me on all of these avenues, I have a choice to not respond.
CortneyJo: Ooh, that part, right there.
Dr. JJ: Right? We are more motivated when we perceive a choice. So, she knows that I can respond, but I can be powerful and choose, will I or won’t I? And that is going to be up to her. If I tell her what to do, I take her power away from her, and it sounds like he’s already done that several times.
CortneyJo: Oh, I love that you said that she can choose to not respond. Get like—devel—get stronger and just not respond.
Dr. JJ: I suspect that she is already strong to have survived it this way. She needs to connect to it.
CortneyJo: Whoo. All right. Dr. JJ, I got one—couple more things—
Dr. JJ: What’s going on inside of you right now?
CortneyJo: It’s just so good. It’s so good. Because I appreciate what you’ve said so much. I appreciate what you said, and I know all my friend-girls are going to be like, “Can you please have Dr. JJ back on the podcast, and can you ask her this, this, and this.” So, [laugh], so I think that you’ve really already touched on this, but I’m going to ask the question anyway, just in case you may have one more, you know, final things to say about it, but what steps can we take to break free from situations that clearly aren’t going to work out as we hoped or imagined.
Dr. JJ: Well, the big piece is that perception of choice. You know, when people show up in my office and say, “Well, divorce is not an option,” it’s like, well, it better well be because otherwise you’re just stuck in it. Do you want to choose each other?
CortneyJo: That’s right.
Dr. JJ: You could divorce if you want to. If you decide you don’t want to, then even work on it. Because you want to.
CortneyJo: I love that. You can choose.
Dr. JJ: You can choose.
CortneyJo: Like, are you going to choose each other? Are you going to choose this?
Dr. JJ: Perception and choice is a big thing. It comes from the education literature. If you give kids ten math problems, they do all ten math problems, some of them will get it done. You give them twenty math problems they do ten of them, more of them will get it done. We want some power and some agency there. And so, that is the important piece is recognizing that. And then back to that confidence piece, confidence in yourself that you can choose and manage the outcome, whatever it is.
CortneyJo: Amen. And we can manage the outcome a little bit better with some support, right? We may need some support, counseling support, things like that may be helpful to help us manage that, correct?
Dr. JJ: Absolutely. And be aware of friends that are so quick with advice, then you don’t want to give your power away to anyone.
CortneyJo: Listen, all my friend-girls, y’all know me, always trying to give somebody advice. I’m sorry. I’m not going to [laugh]—
Dr. JJ: [laugh].
CortneyJo: Do that no more. I love you, and I want you to make the decisions you need to make for you.
Dr. JJ: Well, sometimes they want it. If they solicit it.
CortneyJo: Yes, they do.
Dr. JJ: It’s just the ones that are quick to give advice.
CortneyJo: That’s true.
Dr. JJ: It may not be what you’re soliciting.
CortneyJo: That is true. I have learned to ask my friend-girls, let me ask you this, “What do you need from me? Do you just need me to listen? Or is it okay if I provide perspective?” And I let them let me know what they want. And they have no pressure to allow me to provide perspective.
Dr. JJ: It’s a beautiful way to go about it. And sometimes it is advice that you want from somebody who’s an expert in something.
CortneyJo: I am always someone that wants advice, so sometimes it’s quick for me to try to give it because I want it so much. But I do think it’s important to recognize that you need to be mindful of someone else, and the time that it will take for them to get what they need.
Dr. JJ: That’s right.
CortneyJo: Thank you. So, this podcast, we’re going to wrap this up, and I want to ask you just really quick about just being a MUCH Woman. So, this podcast is about encouraging women to be MUCH, and to live at a higher standard according to the Word of God, so much as in, Measured, Unafraid, Captivating and Heroic. So, Dr. JJ, what does it mean to you to be a MUCH Woman, speaking from your lived experience as a woman of faith?
Dr. JJ: Well, I am very much prone to anxiety, but also prone to peace, so those two things don’t go very well together. So, I often look for ways to quell that anxiety inside of me, and I see that in my therapy clients a lot. When I was looking over, you know, the MUCH Woman, the meaning of the MUCH Woman, I took a bit of an issue with the unafraid, and I want to see how you feel—
CortneyJo: Okay.
Dr. JJ: About this interpretation.
CortneyJo: Let’s do it.
Dr. JJ: You know, there’s lots of people who say this different ways, but there’s this song that I really, really like that says, “Be afraid. Be very afraid, but do it anyway.”
CortneyJo: Yes.
Dr. JJ: And I like the idea of—actually, a client of mine read this in an article that I wrote, and then she printed it out for me and put it on my wall. “Behave in the direction of bravery, even when you don’t feel brave.” So, I like the idea that it’s okay to be afraid. Not that we are unafraid; it’s just that we are moving forward in our fear and facing it and gaining confidence that we can do it anyway.
CortneyJo: And I absolutely agree with you. Couldn’t agree with you more. So, I would say unafraid is more, be unafraid to be afraid. Like—
Dr. JJ: There we go. I love that. Yeah.
CortneyJo: Be unafraid to be afraid. Because I tell people that every day, do it afraid. Me, even having this podcast, I have been so scared to ever get this started, and I did it afraid. I was scared every step of the way, but I have done it afraid. So ladies, be unafraid to be afraid.
Dr. JJ: And connect to the God in you.
CortneyJo: Yes. Yes, that’s right.
Dr. JJ: Because of that, we are not consumed.
CortneyJo: We are not consumed. Amen. Thank you. Is there any way that we can stay in touch with you? Do you have any social medias, or YouTubes, and things that we can watch, or just stay connected with you and what you do so well?
Dr. JJ: Well, actually, I’m not even on Instagram. I’m kind of old school. But I will tell you this, I dabbled in a little YouTube channel once upon a time, and then, unlike you, fear took over and won. And also, you know, raising a daughter [laugh]. Raising that kid got in the way of some things, but she’s just the top priority. But yeah, that’s the that happened from some time ago. Haven’t touched that in years, but it is—there’s a few little fun things to look for there. But no, I am actually kind of low profile.
CortneyJo: It’s okay. Well, listen, I watched your videos.
Dr. JJ: Oh, you did?
CortneyJo: I did. And I love the one where you were talking about forcing to use the cookie cutter, you talked about that. I watched the videos. I love them, so if you ever get to a point where you feel like you want to do those again, I would be so excited to watch.
Dr. JJ: Well, thank you.
CortneyJo: You will have a subscriber. I think you already have. I subscribed. I know I did. I probably did—
Dr. JJ: Subscriber number three [laugh].
CortneyJo: —because I was like, I—yeah [laugh]. I was like, I know Dr. JJ. She recorded these a while ago, but I’m going to subscribe. So, just in case you ever do it again, I look forward to hearing your.
Dr. JJ: Well, maybe I’ll let your bravery inspire me.
CortneyJo: I love that. Well, that’s all that we have. And so, as we wrap up here, I just want to just quickly share to all of our MUCH Woman, just MUCH Woman listeners, as you know, at muchwoman.com you can find out more information, not only about the ministry, but about the podcast, but also, I want to talk a little bit about the blog.
MUCH Woman listeners, we also have a blog. After each episode—and same with the one with Dr. JJ—I write a blog that’s connected to that particular episode. So, we have a couple blogs already out there. If you’re interested in getting that blog right to your email address, please go ahead and just subscribe at muchwoman.com, and you’ll get that. And I just want to say one more time, Dr. JJ, thank you so much for providing your expertise and your wisdom for us today. We appreciate you so much. I appreciate you so much. And, oh, I think I just had a counseling session, and I didn’t know it. So, thank you so much, and we really appreciate you.
Dr. JJ: I’m proud to be a part of this journey with you. I’m honored.
CortneyJo: Thank you. Thank you so much. Stay updated with the latest episodes of the podcast at muchwoman.com, and tune in on Apple Podcast, Spotify, YouTube, or wherever fine podcasts are available. We look forward to seeing you next time.