The Power of Mutual Respect in Relationships
Whenever I read articles or studies on what makes a happy couple, one thing consistently stands out as the number one factor: mutual respect. But what exactly does mutual respect mean? A quick Google search defines it as a reciprocal exchange of respect between individuals, where both parties acknowledge and value each other’s opinions, boundaries, and worth. Essentially, it means treating one another with dignity and consideration—regardless of differences. Respect is not one-sided; it’s a two-way street where everyone both gives and receives respect equally.
Reflecting on the recent I Am M.U.C.H. Woman Podcast episode with Don and Cheryl, I was struck by how they both emphasized the role of mutual respect in their relationship. What stood out to me the most, however, was how confident they were in their own identities. They understood their personal gifts, talents, and values. Throughout the episode, they spoke about realizing what made each of them unique and how they worked together, respecting each other’s differences.
Cheryl shared how she had a natural gift for administration, budgeting, and organization, while Don spoke about how he learned to value those qualities in her. He, on the other hand, excelled in pastoring, teaching, and coaching. Both of them understood who they were as individuals and, as a result, they were able to respect and honor each other’s gifts, creating a healthy and effective partnership.
Today, I want to highlight the importance of knowing who we are as individuals, as I believe this is the foundation of a successful and healthy partnership, particularly in marriage. Understanding what makes you unique and staying true to your identity is key. 1 Corinthians 12:7 (NLT) tells us that “a spiritual gift is given to each of us so we can help each other.” Verses 8-10 further describe the different gifts given to each person. Then, the Apostle Paul wraps it up with verse 11, saying: “It is the one and only Spirit who distributes all these gifts. He alone decides which gift each person should have.”
This reminds us that we are not responsible for the gifts we have—God, through the Holy Spirit, decides which gifts each believer should receive. What we are responsible for is using, sharpening, and protecting our gifts. No one has the right to tell us who we are, who we should be, or attempt to change us into what they want us to be. That happens only when we are unclear about our identity. This is why knowing who you are is crucial. If you encounter someone who cannot respect who you are, that’s not someone you should be in a relationship with—especially not in marriage.
Mutual respect begins with accepting and appreciating who you are as an individual. It’s about choosing to partner with someone who respects you, and who would never ask you to be someone you're not just to please them. Even more importantly, it's about being with someone who doesn’t need you to change because they are secure enough in themselves not to feel the need to alter who you are.
This is, in my opinion, the secret to Don and Cheryl’s nearly 50 years of a beautiful and healthy marriage—they love and respect one another for who God created them to be.
To wrap up, we can understand our gifts and practice respect, but none of it truly matters without love being at the core. 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 (NLT) beautifully captures the essence of love: “Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.”
To God be the Glory, Forever and Ever. Amen.